DIY Air Freshener……. For the Non-Crafty

I suppose it would be best if I start with the reason we make our own air freshener. My 4 year old daughter and I have a problem. We are gaggers. We will, unfortunately, gag at the strangest of smells. Some smells you would agree are stinky, some would not bother normal people at all. Some you may even think smells yummy. For example; peanut butter- the smell of peanut butter makes me gag. My husband and son think it is hilarious to come and give me a big, wet smooch right after jamming a spoonful of disgusting peanut butter down their throats. I smell it before they even make contact. I start flinching and grabbing my stomach. I look like the Incredible Hulk trying not to turn. I give into this strange rhythmic jerking my family lovingly calls “The Peanut Butter Seizure” dance. After all that, I start the actual gagging. Having a gagging problem is both uncomfortable and very embarrassing. To see my little girl have this problem breaks my heart. It is hard breeding and raising children with sensitive princess noses. Lola actually gags at not only the smell of her own poo, but also the smell of her own pee. That’s right, she can’t stand the smell of herself. How rotten! She will be sitting on the potty with a tiny finger shoved up each tiny nostril, gagging away. Ever since she started potty training, we have been spraying air freshener for her every time she goes. She then caught on and started spraying it herself. You don’t have to be a crazy, environmental, granola-eating, green-loving, all-natural, hippy to realize there has to be some sort of danger when you see your child basically snorting Glade out of the can. Seriously, this can’t be good. I mean, if inhaling microwave popcorn fumes can supposedly cause cancer, I am scared to know what air freshener can do.

So I set out on a mission to make our own, much less toxic, air freshener. With a little help from Google and some friends, I found the perfect concoction. You can choose your own scent with essential oils. Choose any scent that floats your boat. I have always been a fan of lavender. The smell is sweet, but not too sweet, and very soothing. I use the lavender for linen spray, body spray, room spray and I even bathed my babies in lavender baby soap. It is supposed to “calm and soothe fussy babies”. Says so right on the bottle. That part is a crock of shit, but they did smell nice!  This however does work!

You only need a few ingredients:

• A spray bottle
• Your favorite essential oil (Again, we use lavender.)
• Vodka
• Water

That is all you need! Now, you don’t need to buy expensive vodka. You’re spraying it, not drinking it. You are just using it for the alcohol vapor to help carry the scent. So unless you just have to be one of those people (like the people that buy certain labels, just so other people can see you wear certain labels) buy the cheap vodka. By the way, if you are a “showy label person” we probably wouldn’t be friends in real life. I have tried making this before without the vodka and it doesn’t dry as fast nor carry the scent as well. For Lola’s own personal brew I do use a lot less vodka, if any. Mainly because I don’t want her to become an alcoholic at 4. She already enjoys dancing on tables and running around naked.  Plus, she’s the one that lost the last bottle we made. I still may find her chugging that one around the back of the shed someday. So much less or no vodka for the little lush.

You will want to use equal parts water and vodka. For a tiny spray bottle, about 3 ounces, most people use about 20 drops of essential oil. I use 40. I am a firm believer in over doing just about everything: make up, perfume, cleavage, the amount of cheese, chocolate, or butter one should use. It’s a Southern thing. If 20 drops is good, 40 must be even better! So with the giant bottle we just mixed up, I used about 100.

That’s it! You’re done! However, since I wanted to share this with y’all, I felt the need to make the bottles pretty. Again, a fan of over-doing, I truly went out of my way this time! …… I bought Modge Podge!

That’s right! I am now the proud owner of Modge Podge and I also procured a couple pieces of pretty paper. I carefully measured, cut, and podged or modged (whatever) these mothers up! I was so stinking proud of myself! I am NOT a crafty person, or so I thought. I mean, I obviously have a newly discovered talent. I am an amazing Modge Podger!

I then let 4 year old Lola (who was begging to be crafty too) do her hair de-tangler spray all by herself. I mean completely by herself and this is how it turned out……

So obviously any idiot can Modge Podge. Not that she’s an idiot, she’s a genius (Not biased at all). No, her mom is the idiot. There is no talent involved in Modge Podging whatsoever.

Note: It is debatable if you should Modge Podge the bottles first or make the air freshener. I will just tell you I did the Modge Podge first. After pouring in the vodka and counting the lavender drops, I felt it was imperative that I check the state of the sealing going on at the bottom of the bottle.  I didn’t realize or care (or maybe I forgot how gravity works?) that I didn’t have the lid on the bottle, because I still needed to add the water. So I then dumped the lavender and vodka all over myself. This is the part when I say I am sorry for telling you not to buy expensive vodka because, this is the part you will want to start drinking it. I’m sorry about that label thing too. So since you can afford expensive labels and nice vodka and you are obviously a great sharer, I bet we will be fast friends!  Now, not only are you covered in alcohol and oil, you realize it also got on the outside of the podged bottle. Guess what strips Modge Podge? Alcohol.

Fix: Just take another shot for yourself, add lavender until it smells good, and add water until it is full. Re-podge the bottle.  Finally, you have amazing smelling and safe air freshener for your baby’s spoiled and sensitive nose! You can also move on with the rest of your night. You will want to leave the vodka out if your night includes falling on your ass when your favorite flip flop breaks and punching your hand through a kitchen window while trying to kill a fly. This is how the rest of my night went…. If only you could Modge Podge shoes and windows.