Hash Pipes and Ass Wipes

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weezer-logo(I do not have permission to use this photo. However I feel that if Weezer took the time to get to know me, they would think I am amazing and be totally OK with this. If I’m wrong, guess what… Weezer would still have contacted me. Win/Win.)

Could ya help a girl out? I need someone to help my husband and I settle a little dispute we have going here. My husband seems to thinks that “Hash Pipe” by Weezer is an inappropriate song to let our children listen to. I completely disagree. I mean, can anyone really understand what they are saying anyway? I thought they were saying “ass wipe” for years! Plus, it is important you teach your children about the dangers in the world like hash pipes and ass wipes. If you shield your children from the existence of hash pipes and ass wipes, it will be hard for them to recognize either. They may not have time to escape.

Don’t believe me? I have some really good examples. We try to be parents of children that love and respect everyone no matter their race, ethnicity, religion or sexuality. So what happened? My son spent the first several weeks of middle school being called a fruit cake. He just thought they knew he liked fruit or that they thought he was a little chubby. (Which I guess he was alright with, not sure.) Had we gone around calling people derogatory words like fruit cake and fag this would not have happened!

Another example: Bob Marley.  My whole family loves Bob! A lot! Do I partake of the ganja laid down before us from Jah Rastafari? Do we smoke the pipe of Haile Selassie I? No! Not at all! Not even close! We just love his music! He has great, positive, encouraging music. His and Ziggy’s kid’s albums are amazing. Ziggy even sings a hymn with Willie Nelson! (My worlds collided with jammin’ rainbows and redneck love the day I discovered that!) So my son decided he wanted to be Bob Marley for Halloween when he was 10. I let him. Then I started hearing the rumbling. How could I? What was I thinking? What kind of a parent am I? We must just be a bunch of pot heads. An adult actually said something to my son, who in turn, guess what….. Had absolutely NO IDEA what this adult was talking about! Weird as it is- you can listen to Bob Marley and not have to say a word to your kid about marijuana. Crazy huh? I also let him be Elvis one Halloween. No one had a problem with that. Guess which one of the two died from drug abuse. Did he need to know that Bob smoked weed? Absolutely not! Did I have to end up telling him? Yep. Why? Because judgmental people felt I needed to see the error in my parenting ways.

Another adult also felt the need to tell me that my son may have been exposed to porn and that any decent parent would turn their internet off at night. That my son had to be the one that shared these inappropriate images with their son, because hers wouldn’t do that. I mean, they go to church at least 2 times a week! (Always their go-to argument). Well since they found the web address in her son’s school pants (they don’t go to the same school) and since my son’s internet history involved looking up bible verses and the definition of dystopian society… it wasn’t him. Just because we don’t go to church every Sunday doesn’t mean we are heathens. So it was determined the porn leak came from…. You guessed it, the self-righteous pricks who turn their internet off at night! Way to go! Winner! Winner Chicken Dinner! Glad all that church, and judgment could help you to be the best parent ever!

So you see, we’ve tried to protect our kids, but it comes down to this. It isn’t things or situations from which you have to protect your kids. It’s other people! People that think they know what is best for your kid. Personally, I feel it is highly important that my kids know a good share of N.W.A.  You know, for conversational pieces when discussing the Freedom of Speech. Want a kid to really know about the dangers of drugs? Two words- Sid Vicious. Bam!  You’re job’s done there! I have tried to shield my kids from things, but I can’t keep them in a bubble forever. I would rather be the one to teach them about hash pipes and ass wipes.

~Coco Hipwood~

P.S. Since I thought they were saying “Ass Wipes” and not “Hash Pipes” I should probably look up the lyrics before OK’ing this. (Not that they even asked to hear it. It was just on in the car one day.) My husband had a valid point when he reminded me that I also thought “Beast of Burden” was Big Suburban; that Ozzy’s “Bark at the Moon” was Baklava; and don’t get me started on what I grew up thinking Stevie’s Nicks and Don Henley’s “Leather and Lace” said!

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10 thoughts on “Hash Pipes and Ass Wipes

  1. Marquis

    Well listening to the music is not wrong as long as you two have a grasp on what it is. It’s when the parents have no idea what their children are watching or listening to that causes problems. With that said I do agree with HIM though because when the children hit puberty and the teen years what MOM and DAD say is moot compared to what their PEERS say.

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    • We are just entering into the “Mom and Dad are Idiots” phase. Let me tell you, this is my least favorite phase so far. Tween/ Teen is hard… even when you’re someone as sweet as my son. I was expecting from my girl when she gets that age, but wasn’t from him. Yes, being involved in everything- even the things you may not totally approve or like is the only way to stay connected and figure out who and what is influencing your child. We would rather they come to us about something that might upset us, then not at all. He knows that and is pretty good about it.

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    • And to be clear- Hash Pipe is not the most appropriate song. 🙂 It just led to my point, that you can only protect your kids so long before they hear/ see things themselves. So you might as well discuss it with them.

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  2. seannaeldey

    That was awesome!

    When I found out the real lyrics, it took me a while to recover. My mom even thought it was hilarious!

    You seem like an awesome parent. Keep being kick-ass!

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